Thursday, September 15, 2011

Locker Room Etiquette

Weather and conflicting schedules have not been kind to Matt and my hikes - and anyway, I'm afraid this blog may just evolve into the things I do day to day in addition to hiking.  I'll try to keep it interesting.  Which won't be hard because ridiculous things happen to me on a daily basis and self-deprecating humor is kind of my schtick.

Moving forward - I was at the gym today and an incident in the locker room made me think about locker room etiquette.  After long consideration, I've determined that there really only needs to be One Cardinal Rule in the ladies' locker room.  But it's an important one.

Ready for this?



You know who you are.

A lot of things led me to the conclusion that this is the only rule a locker room needs.  Picture the following as a flow chart - a window into the inner workings of my brain.

1.  We all have the same lady parts.  It's ok to be naked - you have to shower and change.  So do I.   

2.  People may argue other rules like: Wear flip-flops in the shower, Don't hog the blow dryers, Don't hog the mirror, Don't bend over... ew.  But really, those are personal choices.  If you think you're going to get a disease, wear shoes.  If you want to style your hair - more power to you (And I'm secretly jealous you got the last dryer available.  I'd hog it too if I'd gotten there before you).

3.  But the rule that impacts and benefits you and everyone around you?  Don't Stay Naked Too Long.

This one rule, I attest, will keep every little jogger, spinner and pumper in locker room harmony.  Because this is not your bathroom people, it's a group area.  We all know you have to change, but do it in a timely manner.  

People who go into stalls to change are weirdos.  We're all girls - and don't flatter yourself, I'm not checking you out.

But likewise, people that just hang out naked are weirdos too.  You wouldn't walk down the street naked - and there are arguably MORE people in a locker room AND we're closer together.  We're more likely to bump butts or bare biceps.  And if you're naked?  Well...ew.

Put on a bra, freak - you're making me uncomfortable.

The Incident?  Only Chris will ever know the whole truth - but I will tell you this:  Twice today.  Twice.  Twice in the course of ten minutes I was confronted with 2 exhibitionists in the ladies' room.  Hey, I'm naked - I'm going to stay naked - I'm going to stand in front of the mirror naked - I'm going to do my hair naked - my make-up naked - clean my ears naked.  And I don't care who looks.

This 'devil-may-care' predilection is not something to applaud.  I can picture you all thinking "Well good for them for being comfortable in their skin!  If only I could be so daring..."  Think again.  This is not a nudist colony.  This is the ladies' room.  Class it up.  

And though it's not an official rule or anything, you also probably shouldn't bend over.  

1 comment:

  1. It is a rule in a guys locker room never, never bend over. Drop the soap, leave it there.